Inquiries Into Magic
February 18, 2014 § 2 Comments
Do you believe in magic? In the fact that our lives unfold more or less according to the Universe’s schedule? Do you believe that dreams actually come true and have a meaning all of their own?
Example: A succession of dreams (I recall at least five) about Mysore and Sharath in the past month, three of which occurred within the same week. What is one to make of it? Is it a ‘sign’ or just the after-effects of the trip in 2012, released through the energetics of back-bending? What sort of interpretation/validation am I seeking in writing about this? What am I projecting onto this?
Clearly, part of me believes in the ‘magic’ of life and accepts it, but the rational, Western-oriented/educated self can’t stop analyzing and interpreting the experience, some of which are inherently inexplicable. Back in 2003 while in the throes of a difficult break-up, I dreamt about meeting the man who is now my husband. Things only clicked into place much later, when an assortment of real-life events recalled the emotions of the dream experience. I have deja vus pretty often, but having dreams and reality intersect in this way was a first.
Is that magic?
I’ve asked myself that question countless times since returning from Mysore, because, truthfully, it does feel as if my life has taken on a new rhythm of its own since the trip. I haven’t written about it much because I don’t have a lot of experience writing poetically about the esoteric life, and because some things are best kept on the down low and shared in-person. After more than a year since returning though, I can honestly say that the fruits of that journey are still unfolding. The process started before I left, and since then, there have been major shifts in practically every sphere of my life, starting with the interior/emotional self and expanding outwards to my marriage, my parents, social network and now, my career. Through it all, the asana practice maintains its steady course, inhale/exhale, through twinges, tweaks and injuries. It is fascinating to watch, but it doesn’t really answer the question: Is this magic?
Perhaps I don’t want to answer the question because I fear that an answer would take away some of its, well…, magic. But what I do know is that I’ve never felt more content and grounded in my life circumstances than I have in the past 14 months. There is a strong sense that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. That I am privileged to have the lifestyle I have and the choices I get to make. This, coming from a past of constant whining about my present circumstances, of always wanting to be somewhere else (=’better than here’), and of a nagging feeling that I’m never good enough, never rich enough and never successful enough. The ghosts of inadequacy may still lurk, but this shift in perspective about my life – now that’s magic.