August 27, 2013 § 5 Comments
The funny thing about buying and remodeling a house and then moving in is that it is a lot more traumatic than anyone realizes or speaks about. By ‘trauma’ I’m talking about how disruptive the whole process is – it literally shakes up your life, turning the geography of everyday patterns on its head. Consequently, this process brings with it its own level of stress, which, coupled with the stress that you (i.e., me) lay thickly on your- (my) self creates a countdown towards an inevitable state of burnout: mental, physical, emotional.
For the past few weeks as I’ve tried to hold on to what I remember from the life I had – the 530 chantings, daily practice, meditation, writing – I’ve had the distinct feeling that life has tossed me in the air and I’m still waiting for the landing. What is it about changes to our physical environments that play so much with the mind and one’s moods? I’ve been ridiculously exhausted recently, and flipping between states of guilt and empathy about it.
On the one hand, what am I complaining about – there are just boxes to unpack and organize and a garden to plan. At least I don’t have kids.
On the other hand, after operating on 120% for the past 4 months, fueled entirely by adrenalin, it’s no wonder I’m exhausted.
This is the time when I need my practice more than ever, yet, this is the time when I feel most distant from it, when the mind-body disconnect is higher than it’s ever been this year. All I want to do everyday is curl up in bed and sleep, which, considering my personality type, is probably the worst thing I could do right now.
“ENFJ’s are so externally focused that it’s especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. “