Fuck Progress

August 14, 2013 § 15 Comments

It’s been quiet here because life has been pretty insane recently. Orchestrating a remodel and a move in less than 2 months while photographing conferences and keeping up an Ashtanga practice – I think my body is starting to tell me it’s had enough. Even if I’m dropping back with some consistency – or, at least I was, was starting to bind easily in Supta K, and had flowy, almost-smooth jump throughs up till last week. On Sunday as I was trying to get some caulk off my left wrist I noticed some swelling and a feeling of tenderness as I touched it. A few hours of Internet research later I realized I probably have some sort of tendonitis of the wrist which is a major PITA when you still have a room of unopened boxes to work through. Not to mention an Ashtanga practice to do. Monday’s practice unfolded with no jumps, no Bhujapidasana, Kukkutasana or Utpluthi. It turns out that Urdhva Dhanurasana with a finicky wrist is a no-no as well. After doing 4 of those at the end of practice, the swelling worsened on Tuesday – so what do I do? Instead of accepting this new state of physical affairs with cool detachment, I burst into tears while talking about it and its implications for my practice. Witness, the monologue of An Ego Under Threat:

“But I just started to dropback on my own!!”

“But I don’t want to lose my practice!!”

“But I need to practice – the way I’ve always enjoyed it!!!”

I’ve had a 3.5 year relationship with Ashtanga and it turns out I’m still miles away from getting a handle on this whole non-attachment business. Great. Just great.

Obviously I am not used to dealing with injury in my practice – apart from this the other major injury I can recall was a tweaked neck/shoulder from crashing out of headstand in the early days. So, you could say that I’ve been lucky so far, although some quarters may say that the injury is a blessing too in its own, perverse-logic way.

I don’t know. I do know that this finicky wrist was some time in coming – practicing and pushing myself despite being physically tired and stressed, trying to bring awareness to my left (less-dominant) hand in every downward dog (i.e., more pushing), and landing each dropback pretty hard. I guess all that pushing brought me to my edge and it’s time to step back from the edge, no matter how much my ego wants to push me forward andย over the ledge.


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§ 15 Responses to Fuck Progress

  • evahowe says:

    ๐Ÿ˜ฆ *hug* I promise you won’t lose your practice, you just have to figure out how to do with a hurt wrist. I hurt both mine after Walter was born and after awhile it seemed to go away on its own, so I hope yours does too!

    • D says:

      Yup….trying to finesse the Ashtanga practice with a cranky wrist is another level of difficult, as if the bandhas and breath weren’t tricky enough!

  • globie says:

    Hugs and good wishes, I can certainly relate to the frustration of seemingly having practice taken away by stupid injuries. (9 months now broken arm) DK told me once when I complained about sore wrists that when doing the binds, like the Marichy’s that the hand being grabbed should have the fingers kept straight and this did help. I also alternate my computer mouse hand, it took getting used to, but has certainly helped.

    • D says:

      Good tip Kevin, thank you. So happy to hear that Mari B is back for you, even if it took 9 months (and counting). Your perseverance with the practice despite the broken arm is really inspiring.

  • anne says:

    You’ll go through it. The wrist injury. And the non-attachment thingy. Recognizing the ego issue is already part of the process. At least, that;s what I like to think when confronted to the same problem. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Nobel says:

    Sorry to hear about your wrist injury. I hope it heals soon. And don’t be so hard on yourself about the ego issue. Ego is always there, just recognize it for what it is, and let it be. Besides, I think the whole cool detachment thing is a bit overrated anyway ๐Ÿ™‚ I mean, shit happens, and we’re only human…

  • suzanne says:

    yeah, the body always revolts (ie gets injured) when i try to do too much. hope your wrists heal soon. ๐Ÿ™‚ love your monologue! that could be me on many many days! once i let my ego have it’s tantrum, and get back to work, practice is often not so bad.

  • mariavlong says:

    Muscle memory is amazing D. Also body parts are so grateful when you give them rest and TLC. They really respond after you give them a break, specially if swollen.Think of all the forward bends and seated that you can do so you do not become stiff as a stick. Feel Better soon.

    • D says:

      Thank you Maria. I’ve been religious with castor oil packs and turmeric pills but also trying not to ‘baby’ the wrist too much. Fine balance….story of my life apparently.

  • S says:

    what s/he said. Hugs, don’t worry about the ego, and it will all get better. You won’t lose your practice. And everyone bursts into tears occasionally, if not always in public.

  • […] Thank you for your words of comfort and encouragement at the PMS-ridden, self-pitying post about my cranky wrist. I am happy to report that the swelling and mild bruising visible earlier in the week seems to have […]

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