August 14, 2013 § 15 Comments
It’s been quiet here because life has been pretty insane recently. Orchestrating a remodel and a move in less than 2 months while photographing conferences and keeping up an Ashtanga practice – I think my body is starting to tell me it’s had enough. Even if I’m dropping back with some consistency – or, at least I was, was starting to bind easily in Supta K, and had flowy, almost-smooth jump throughs up till last week. On Sunday as I was trying to get some caulk off my left wrist I noticed some swelling and a feeling of tenderness as I touched it. A few hours of Internet research later I realized I probably have some sort of tendonitis of the wrist which is a major PITA when you still have a room of unopened boxes to work through. Not to mention an Ashtanga practice to do. Monday’s practice unfolded with no jumps, no Bhujapidasana, Kukkutasana or Utpluthi. It turns out that Urdhva Dhanurasana with a finicky wrist is a no-no as well. After doing 4 of those at the end of practice, the swelling worsened on Tuesday – so what do I do? Instead of accepting this new state of physical affairs with cool detachment, I burst into tears while talking about it and its implications for my practice. Witness, the monologue of An Ego Under Threat:
“But I just started to dropback on my own!!”
“But I don’t want to lose my practice!!”
“But I need to practice – the way I’ve always enjoyed it!!!”
I’ve had a 3.5 year relationship with Ashtanga and it turns out I’m still miles away from getting a handle on this whole non-attachment business. Great. Just great.
Obviously I am not used to dealing with injury in my practice – apart from this the other major injury I can recall was a tweaked neck/shoulder from crashing out of headstand in the early days. So, you could say that I’ve been lucky so far, although some quarters may say that the injury is a blessing too in its own, perverse-logic way.
I don’t know. I do know that this finicky wrist was some time in coming – practicing and pushing myself despite being physically tired and stressed, trying to bring awareness to my left (less-dominant) hand in every downward dog (i.e., more pushing), and landing each dropback pretty hard. I guess all that pushing brought me to my edge and it’s time to step back from the edge, no matter how much my ego wants to push me forward and over the ledge.